divets

My wife and I
have two cats
Callie, who eats herself sick
and Lucy, the runt of the litter Callie had
we assume.
Lucy came to us
barely a year old
small
but not feeble
black
with eyes that reveal
a soul that knows more than it lets on
a heart that has been broken
she understands
she has seen things
she won't tell us what they are
but she quickly grows tired
and skittish of the love and affection
we all know she so desperately wants.
Because she never grew to the size of a full cat
she can't groom herself properly
and she hates being brushed
so we have mastered
the art of holding her down with one hand
and cutting the sticky, thick mats of fur
behind her head
between her shoulder blades
while she screams
she dislikes being held in any way
she screams
as if we are trying to kill her
she doesn't seem to understand,
as we do
it's for her own good.

Six

rolling in the grass
the sun on my face
turning my skin a creamy
warm tan
years before it learned to burn
and my hair
brown all year in school
was a bright auburn in summer
the year my teeth were too big
for my mouth
so I grew it
and filled it with noise
the year I learned
volume can drown out fear
make no one see it
when they turn away from you
call you too excitable
too much
"enough already"

Six
when I fell in love with Gilbert Blythe
and was still afraid
of the Chariots of Fire theme song

Six

30 years ago
and another.

I didn't protect you.

I'm sorry.

things that Karen tells me

it is what it is
that's the god's honest truth
but it isn't unimportant
as that phrase
"it is what it is"
would lead you to believe
"Oh no, my dear. This was a big deal."
this is a big deal
that's what it is
and
like they say
it is what it is.

15

I remember you, Claudia.
Fifteen years after you gave me advice
I didn't understand.
And just as suddenly as you were gone
your words are clear
and they fit.
I remember.
How I wish I could tell you.