shoes

and when I looked up
you were there
where you said you'd be
and that confused me
because it hadn't happened before
and the road stretched out for miles
with landmarks - clearly visible in the sun
and I stood there
wanting to run those miles
and only took a step
then another
fearing, every time, that I had taken one too many
one too large
one, two, three...
but you stepped too
and we stepped together
and I tried to drag my feet.
you would have let me, if I'd asked you
and I did - but then I ignored my own request,

I suddenly realize that this poem isn't very good.
it won't ever be good.
pity.
it's about us.
I want us to be better than this.

in the kitchen

the water was cold
the soap smelled like flowers
and I stood there
as it all washed over
and between my fingers.
and I waited
to realize what I was thinking about
to realize that I wasn't thinking anything
just standing-
standing on weak and tired legs
that buckled every now and again
and again.
but the water got too cold
and my fingers went crinkly
and it was just a normal feeling
a completely mundane evening.
you didn't ask me anything
only watched me and thought I didn't see you

the water was cold
and the soap smelled like flowers
and I stood there -
as it all washed over me...

and since then...

I remember you drank red wine that day
and I wondered if you would think less of me
because I always only drank white.
You didn't act as if you'd care-
or even notice my choice-
but I wondered, just the same.
You looked up and past me-
went somewhere in your head
and I watched you-
though I did my best to hide it,
I didn't want you to know that
I watched you follow the line of thought
until it seemed you went too far
pictured whatever it was too clearly
and then you were back in the diner booth with me
both of us talking way too much
waiting for the other to say it.
You caved in the parking lot
But I was dating men then.