I've never been entirely sure
why certain things bother me more than others
on certain days
when the air is just right
and the sun comes in the window
and paints shadows on the floor,
why lonely is so easy to know
but impossible to describe
or understand
and escape.
I can't explain why
her face is still so present in my mind
as if she was ever more than an acquaintance
a friend
a co-worker for a summer
then off doing whatever she was doing
that widened the divide
between us
and I sound like a school girl
with a crush
and that's not what this is
not at all
and no, I'm not trying to convince myself
because I have long since learned the difference
between infatuation and admiration
admiration and love
one can lead to another
and another
but the same thing, they are not.
I just wanted ...
I can't really know for sure.
But not what you're thinking.
